From the Private, Personal Diary of Noelle Frost

Noelle tucked the jacket tighter around her in the cool night air, a single recessed bulb lighting her face from above as she stared out at the sea around Talos Island from her balcony. Her long, slim legs were tucked under her, her hair loose and tousled around her pensive face. She held her diary open to a blank page and chewed thoughtfully on a pen.

Dear Diary –

I feel like... like I've been wrung dry. Like I've been twisted, and pulled, and expected to snap back into shape. And I'm trying, but it's hard... If it wasn't for a certain someone, I think I'd break into a million pieces. Shatter, like ice.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I went to see Reese in jail. Who am I trying to kid, using nicknames? Reese is B. And Kid -- Elvis -- is A. And if I'm being honest with myself, with this record that I'm keeping, why couldn't I say that earlier?

Noelle sighed, and tried to get back on track.

Though Reese and I ended... whatever it was we were doing... we're still friends. And he's got enough to worry about right now without my adding to it by shutting him out, continuing to hide what happened. Not that I would. Just...

Noelle scratched unconsciously at her wrist. She crossed out the last word and started again.

Until this whole thing with that guy in Boston is sorted out, until Stateswoman and her lawyer friend deal with the legal side of things, they've got Reese in a brightly lit cell in the Zig. No shadows anywhere, and he sounded so tired the last time we spoke, unable to get any rest with all the light... so I brought him a pair of sunglasses. I probably should have asked first, before I took –

Her pen scratched again, and she rewrote the last line.

...so I brought him an old pair of Kid's sunglasses. I probably should have asked him first, but I didn't think he'd miss them. Reese and I had a good talk, just chatting, until I was dumb enough to mention the almost-conversation I'd had with Nora. Gah – why do I do these stupid, stupid things? I know he doesn't get along with her.

Anyway, he quizzed me for ages on what she'd said and what I'd said, even though I told him it was nothing! Not like it mattered anymore.

Noelle sighed again, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before bending, and writing again.

We're just friends now. We were never more than friends, despite what we were doing. And that was the problem. That was why I ended it...

Anyway, after I left Reese I headed back to Talos, to check out a cave full of Rikti for a contact. Had an interesting conversation on the Knights' comm with Mavra on the way, so asked her to join me. I thought... I don't know what I thought. I guess I thought she was mad about me and Reese. That maybe she cared for Reese.

I was wrong, though that's Mavra's story to tell, not mine. She wanted to talk to me about Streak.

Noelle leaned her head back against the lounge chair and remembered their conversation, not seeing the water or the war walls beyond. She'd tried to explain how it had been after Streak left, how she reached for something... and found Reese... And Mavra, with her circuitous comments, pushed her to consider more...

"Maybe you, better than most, can understand why Silver-Streak left? To find yourself when nothing makes sense. To seek who you would be when you are without an anchor."
Noelle's eyes welled up as Mavra continued, "Come to think of that, I am reminded of someone else. You are aware of my... affinity for the unspoken thoughts?"
Noelle nodded.
"When I met Silver several weeks ago, he did not speak much. He did not need to. But do you need to hear what I... felt from him, or would you rather listen to what those currently surrounding you feel, now? You asked for something more. Is that asking for something old, or something new?"
"I think I need... I think I should know all of it. I have to know all of it to make the right decision eventually, right?"
"But will that be a decision made from a dreamy hope, or a clear mind knowing what it is asking for? ... I am sorry... It comes too easy to me, speaking in these... riddles." Mavra bowed her head, hands clutching her skirt. "Plainly, then. Do you want him back?"
Noelle's tears spilled over as she cried out. "Streak?... oh god, I don't know!"
Shock.Therapy, who was there expecting light gossip and girl talk and finding heavy conversation instead, reached out her hand to Noelle silently, who took it, and grasped its support tightly.
Shock gave Noelle's hand a squeeze in return and continued to hold it.
Noelle stumbled on, the words falling out of her, "Should I wait forever? What if... what if he doesn't want me back? What if I've changed too much? What if I ruin the good thing I have now for the hope of something else later?"
Mavra looked dispassionately at her wet cheeks, eyes lost in thought. "Do you honestly think all that Silver-Streak would want from you is an innocent, wide-eyed young woman-child fresh from the icy reaches? One would think he set his goals higher than that. I believe what attracted him to you was the strong... passions in your heart, defying your inner ice."
Noelle almost wailed, "But he left me!"
"How could he love someone, if he cannot know himself?"
Noelle sniffled, as Mavra continued, "Silver-Streak was just as confused as you, believe me. He did not know his place in this strange world. Could he, he felt, be the man you deserved, without knowing himself? I may not agree with all his opinions, Noelle, but to me that is very important. To know."
From beneath hunched shoulders, her voice quiet, Noelle asked, "Mavra, please... did he say he'd be back soon?"
Mavra sighed, "He promised he would return."
Noelle nodded slowly, as Mavra rubbed her arms up and down.
After a moment of silence, all three women lost in thought, Noelle swallowed. "Do you think... is it wrong then... I mean..." She tried to figure out how to word what she was thinking.
Mavra’s voice was low, her Russian accent soft as she answered the unspoken question. "He is not lost to you, Noelle. And do not do him the disservice of thinking that he will not understand your needs. He is a very... perceptive young man."
Noelle wiped at her face with both hands, letting go of Nora's support, and agreed, as Mavra went on. "But the question is not what he wants, after all. It is what you want. Do you even know this?"
"Right now? Right now, I want..." she thought, then quietly continued, running the fingers of one hand lightly around the wrist of her other, unknowing of the gesture, "Right now I think I want to be with Kid. He makes me feel safe."

Noelle's pen scratched against the journal again.
I can't just wait for Streak to return. As much as he's looking for where he belongs in this world, I guess... so am I. And I think – for now, maybe, even if it's only for now – I think that's with Kid. Which is why what happened later was so hard, so terrifying.

After that talk with Mavra, after she went on, and shared some of what she's dealing with... I needed comfort. Needed to feel warm arms around me. So I called Kid, and met him in Steel Canyon on the way to Perez. He was... distracted, I thought, when he first showed up. Didn't give me his usual greeting, didn't... just didn't seem right.

He'd been to see Reese.

I don't know what I thought – that maybe Kid would never notice the glasses were gone, never see that Reese had them. I should have known...

Noelle pulled the jacket tighter around her, and it gave off a dull shine in the pre-dawn light.

He was upset, Diary. Mad and upset, and though I put him off at first, trying to just shove it aside, he brought it up again when we were inside the forest, in a cave, and when I said... when I told him that Reese... "distracted me after Streak left," was I think my way of putting it... he got so angry, taking it out on the Rikti til I almost felt sorry for them. I couldn't keep up with him, couldn't follow... couldn't let him think that I hadn't chosen to be with him instead.

She recalled their talk, recalled how she clung to him, fighting to keep him from turning away, until his arms crept around her again, until she felt safe and warm once more in his embrace.

We talked it out, or rather, I cried and he comforted me, and I think he understands. He said we all had pasts, and that what matters is what we do now, what we feel now, and that we like spending time together. And I do, Diary. When I'm with him... whatever we do... I know he won't hurt me. I can trust him. And I need that security. Need that feeling.

I don’t know how this all fits in if Streak ever comes back, but I can't... I won't worry about that now. Mavra is right, I hope.

I hope. For now, as long as he'll have me, as long as I don't screw if up... I'm dating the King of Rock n' Roll.

Noelle scrawled her initial beneath the last line, and closed her diary. The sun peeked over the horizon as she stood up and slipped back inside, crossing silently to her bedroom, dropped the gold lame jacket on the floor with the rest of their clothes, and crawled back into bed.

In his sleep, Elvis' arms wrapped tightly around her.