Tuesday, March 14, 2006

From the Private, Personal Diary of Noelle Frost

Dear Diary -

It's like I haven't wanted to write anything here because I knew what the next thing I was going to say was going to be, and writing it down would make it definite, where as if I didn't write it... didn't write ANYTHING... then I could pretend everything would be fine.

But I guess I've just been kidding myself. Huh. Quite the choice of words.

This is about Kid, of course. Since he's been back to himself, since I saw him the last time... there's been nothing further. And I just think -- something must have changed in him, because that's NOT the person I thought I was in love with. My Kid would have called me the second he remembered me, the moment he came back to his senses.

And I get being busy. This isn't about that. We're all busy, and we all have important work to do. This is about taking time with the people that matter to you. Time that sometimes needs to be scheduled in advance, when everything's going crazy, or can just happen naturally when there's an otherwise lull.

I guess the short of it is I'm not with Kid anymore. But that's been true for a while. I miss the us we were together, and I miss the he he used to be, and I miss his friendship. But I guess things change.

There isn't anyone else. This isn't like when I kissed Reese while I was with Streak, or when I was dating both Kid and Reese and decided I needed the emotional commitment I could have from Kid. This is about me. Being happy with me, with who I am.

And I'm looking forward to that, and to spending time with my friends.

N.